I am writing this article as a result of some of the struggles I have been having relationally. Everything I write is my own opinion and based on my personal experience. I am not an expert on relationships. There were two things that sparked this article. One was an email response I received from a friend of mine regarding our relationship and the other was a conversation I had with someone about a relationship they were struggling with. I’ve outlined some very simple things one can do to foster a relationship. The following is a list of those things:
1. If I offend you, please tell me. Don’ t avoid talking about it for months and then throw it at me like a bag of dirty laundry. It is never my intention to hurt you. I love you and care about you.
2. Please give me the right to make my own decisions and choices. I am an adult. It is not your job to protect me. As my friend it is your job to encourage me, not judge me. I have a wonderful friend who always starts his conversations with me by saying, “Well, isn’t that great!” That doesn’t mean that he agrees with everything I do. Through out the course of our discussion he’ll say things like..you know what worked for me, I tried this and I really liked it. He never tells me what to do but shares what worked for him. Because I admire him, I usually follow his suggestions. Questions like, “What are you doing that for?” do not facilitate conversation.
3. If I don’t call you everyday, every week or every month don’t assume I no longer want to be your friend. Possibly I have stuff going on in my life that I am dealing with.
4. Don’t talk to others about your concern for me. If you are worried about me, call me, drop by, invite me out for coffee.
5. Don’t talk to me about your other friends. I do not want to know.
6. If I share a confidence with you, it is because I trust you. Just because we have mutual friends don’t assume I want you to share what I have told you on my behalf. If I want someone to know something, I’ll tell them.
7. I don’t need to know if someone is having a party for you and I’m not invited. How is that helpful?
This guide is intended for me as much as it is for anyone in my life. When my attention is focused on situations that cause me stress or turmoil, I generally look at whether my behavior is matching my expectations of others. If I notice stuff in other people it is because there is something I need to change in me.
I am a woman of integrity. I am not a victim of circumstance. I have a choice. If something in my life makes me uncomfortable, I need to examine why I am allowing it to continue.
Today I choose to remember that I teach others how to treat me. If I am mistreating myself, I am giving others the permission to do the same. I value and respect myself.
